Wtnv + trees

(Source: i-would-hail-it, via kelsometry)

3162 Notes

liftedandgiftedd:

dr-green-lungs:

zerofuckingfriends:

gallifrey-feels:

balladofwormzlp:

bakedandbipolar:

every.single.one.of.these

ladies and gentlemen, the most accurate post on tumblr

opium

I reblog this every single time

Lol

the accuracy is too real

(Source: dumpyourweedbrah, via kelsometry)

301952 Notes

71487 Notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

204577 Notes

(Source: behance.net, via vodkacupcakes)

67901 Notes

bearfluff:

i can’t wait until october when there’s no sun outside and everything is cute colors and it’s cold and there are terrible horror movies on tv, my power is at its peak then

(Source: bearzerky, via winterwolff)

302087 Notes

coolranchdevitos:

waspsbewaremywrathrawr:

fuks:

SAIL

I PRESSED PLAY JUST AS I WAS TAKING A DRINK AND DIET COKE JUST SHOT OUT MY NOSE. I FEEL LIKE I JUST VOMITED

there are so many layers of humor to appreciate here

the disruption of pleasant relaxing music

the word “sail” being yelled slightly off-beat as if the person filming was planning this and got a little eager

the small child’s laughter in the background

the pianist whispering “shit” to himself as if he only dropped an m&m or something

the foot appearing seemingly out of nowhere

the dedicated pianist falling down with his piano

it’s all so beautiful

(via devourable)

404484 Notes

uusui:

c0rnmuffins:

uusui:

emma-relille-tunger:

uusui:

iceland is scary

are those giant marshmallows

we icelandic people harvest marshmallows, its the only thing that keeps us alive and healthy, every full moon the icelandic marshmallow god demands tons of giant marshmallows to be made in his honor, later these marshmallows gained its own consciousness and has been roaming around icelandic farms since then, so whenever you drive around iceland you will see these mysterious giant marshmallows in their natural habitat

Seriously though what the fuck are those

we icelandic people harvest marshmallows, its the only thing that keeps us alive and healthy, every full moon the icelandic marshmallow god demands tons of giant marshmallows to be made in his honor, later these marshmallows gained its own consciousness and has been roaming around icelandic farms since then, so whenever you drive around iceland you will see these mysterious giant marshmallows in their natural habitat

(via devourable)

33030 Notes

lesbeeanmovie:

greencarnations:

cinematicsymphony:

This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.

CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:

  • do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
  • go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
  • if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
  • look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
  • the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
  • works every time

"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really  annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING

(Source: kaliskadyami, via devourable)

147544 Notes

pancakemilkshake:

suspend:

i hope iphone 6 is a flip phone

It’s 2 iPhones connected with a hinge and when you close it both screens smack together and crack.

(via devourable)

277678 Notes